Our kids are trying to break us with sleep torture

What more blissful experience does life offer than snuggling in bed with your warm and slumberous children? Heaven. Unless you intend to sleep, that is. They are programmed never to let that happen. They will spin. They will kick. And they will fail to give a shit where the head-end is. Our baby’s teething the hard way this week. She’s all dribble and tears and … Continue reading Our kids are trying to break us with sleep torture

Learning is fun (but it turns out I’m stupid)

I love learning stuff with Maya. We read and watch and look things up and experiment together. I’m reacquainting myself with some genuinely interesting topics. But all this revision’s been highlighting some pretty big gaps in my knowledge, some of which I’m not at all willing to alert her to. I was prepared to admit I’d never heard of a brinicle when I saw one on Octonauts. Same … Continue reading Learning is fun (but it turns out I’m stupid)

Twenty things I lose it with because I can’t lose it with my child

Sometimes I do grown-up tantrums. Things get kicked and swiped and I do a little stamp dance. Nobody gets hurt. But still. I’m not proud. I guess at the root of it are significant issues: stress, lack of time for myself and stuff in my life that isn’t quite right at the moment. Like how work gets the best of me and Maya is left with … Continue reading Twenty things I lose it with because I can’t lose it with my child

You lovely undisgustable thing

Maya is hard to disgust. It’s another one I think she got from her mum. I am mildly disgusting myself and I guess she assumes I’m normal. My own disgust mechanism is a bit faulty. I’m not a big fan of blood and gore. I don’t like documentaries where chimps eat monkeys and even thinking about a caterpillar being consumed from within by wasps that have hatched … Continue reading You lovely undisgustable thing

Leading by shoddy example

This cool post by Jess at Wonderoak got me thinking about the things I’ve taught my own daughter without meaning to. Maya thinks and does all manner of stuff that I’m pretty sure she picked up from me when my guard was down (any time outside enthusiastic coffee hour). It’s textbook copycat business. Here is some of her wonky and undesigned learning, good and bad and in no particular order: … Continue reading Leading by shoddy example

My daughter is a grubby little soap dodger (and I think she gets it from me)

How often does a four year old need to wash? More often than my daughter, I’d imagine. Maya does not like getting clean. She used to look forward to baths. Showers were a real novelty for about a week. And then, all of a sudden, the love affair ended and Maya and hygiene went their separate ways. I realised things had got bad when she went for a week … Continue reading My daughter is a grubby little soap dodger (and I think she gets it from me)

I wear what my four year old tells me to

I never needed fashion advice until Maya came along and messed up my body. I knew what I liked and I wore it. Nothing made me lose respect for a man faster than seeing him wait patiently outside the changing rooms while his needy girlfriend tried on another ensemble for his nervous appraisal. Did he have nothing better to do? What was she doing with such a sap? And why couldn’t … Continue reading I wear what my four year old tells me to

Oh my, what a pretty drawing!

We’ve just come back from Montenegro. It was incredible and looked a lot like this: Maya’s favourite favourite thing of all to do on holiday was not to swim in the sea, though. Or eat special holiday pizza. Or steer the little red submarine boat (in a zig-zag). Instead, the thing she liked best of all was writing in her new pink Wilko’s exercise book, which she dubbed The Cat … Continue reading Oh my, what a pretty drawing!

Waiting while a toddler re-does stuff is like watching someone type with one finger

That’s it! Your foot’s nearly in. Well done. Now if you just push down a bit and I grab the top of your welly. No, I know you don’t need any help. You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? But your heel’s a bit stuck. If I just pull it from th…No! What are you doing? Don’t take it off! Okay, let’s go again. Fifth … Continue reading Waiting while a toddler re-does stuff is like watching someone type with one finger

She makes me look like a murderer

I just asked Thesaurus for a word to describe the sound my daughter makes when she’s tantruming hard. Turns out they haven’t invented one. Screech is too mechanical, wail is too doleful and shriek is far too short-lived. This is the most blood-curdling scream I’ve ever heard. Shrill, grating and completely unrelenting. You would think she was having her toenails pulled out one by one rather than being told her party dress is too … Continue reading She makes me look like a murderer