How often does a four year old need to wash? More often than my daughter, I’d imagine. Maya does not like getting clean. She used to look forward to baths. Showers were a real novelty for about a week. And then, all of a sudden, the love affair ended and Maya and hygiene went their separate ways. I realised things had got bad when she went for a week … Continue reading My daughter is a grubby little soap dodger (and I think she gets it from me)
I’m lucky. I feel lucky. I’ve got the most beautiful daughter in the whole world (apart from yours, of course, if you’ve got one). She brings me joy every day. I would love her to have a sibling, though. A hundred per cent of my childhood memories involve my brother. We argued, we wrestled (literally – Granny Breakwell rang the bell to mark the start … Continue reading Mummy’s not sharing – the secret bitterness of secondary infertility
I just asked Thesaurus for a word to describe the sound my daughter makes when she’s tantruming hard. Turns out they haven’t invented one. Screech is too mechanical, wail is too doleful and shriek is far too short-lived. This is the most blood-curdling scream I’ve ever heard. Shrill, grating and completely unrelenting. You would think she was having her toenails pulled out one by one rather than being told her party dress is too … Continue reading She makes me look like a murderer
Shit shit shit! Maya has just sworn at me for the first time. She’s only just turned two. She wasn’t angry and she didn’t know she was being coarse. She just volleyed a bit of my own foul language back at me. I feel a bit sick. I know it happens but shit shit SHIT! Shocking. Why me? Why me? Could it be the universe’s … Continue reading Potty-mouth panic
Burned-out parents like nothing more than to spend 40 minutes cleaning up after an ill-advised food choice. Here are five foods guaranteed to do the job: 1. Weetabix (…and Bixies and other own-brand products) These crunchy, bone-dry lozenges are so thirsty they soak up a litre of milk per square cm. No danger of them dripping off the spoon, then. But don’t get too cocky… … Continue reading Five messy foods to send you over the edge
How weird is cow’s milk? Probably not that odd in situ, as it’s sucked from a warm udder by a hungry calf. But what the hell is my human baby doing drinking it? I’ve always found the concept of humans greedily glugging down a glass of udder juice pretty bizarre (I even went through a long phase of eating cereal dry or with water). But … Continue reading How weird is milk?
I’ve got bogies. Lots of bogies. They come in all shapes and textures and they’ve been plaguing my nostrils ever since I got pregnant. Maya’s seven months old now and I still can’t get rid of the beggars. I pick them every day. Come on, it’s hard not to. Once I’ve noticed one, I’ll do a quick hands-free recce, twisting and flaring my nostrils till … Continue reading Bogies bogies