Waiting while a toddler re-does stuff is like watching someone type with one finger

That’s it! Your foot’s nearly in. Well done. Now if you just push down a bit and I grab the top of your welly. No, I know you don’t need any help. You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? But your heel’s a bit stuck. If I just pull it from th…No! What are you doing? Don’t take it off! Okay, let’s go again. Fifth … Continue reading Waiting while a toddler re-does stuff is like watching someone type with one finger

She makes me look like a murderer

I just asked Thesaurus for a word to describe the sound my daughter makes when she’s tantruming hard. Turns out they haven’t invented one. Screech is too mechanical, wail is too doleful and shriek is far too short-lived. This is the most blood-curdling scream I’ve ever heard. Shrill, grating and completely unrelenting. You would think she was having her toenails pulled out one by one rather than being told her party dress is too … Continue reading She makes me look like a murderer

Five messy foods to send you over the edge

Burned-out parents like nothing more than to spend 40 minutes cleaning up after an ill-advised food choice. Here are five foods guaranteed to do the job: 1. Weetabix (…and Bixies and other own-brand products) These crunchy, bone-dry lozenges are so thirsty they soak up a litre of milk per square cm. No danger of them dripping off the spoon, then. But don’t get too cocky… … Continue reading Five messy foods to send you over the edge