When I was 15, my drama teacher told us all to do an impression of someone else in the class so everyone could guess who it was. I know. What was she thinking? Anyway, I laughed along at the impersonations of some of the less cool and more ripe-for-the-ridiculing members of the group and then…… Continue reading Is that what I sound like?
That’s it! Your foot’s nearly in. Well done. Now if you just push down a bit and I grab the top of your welly. No, I know you don’t need any help. You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? But your heel’s a bit stuck. If I just pull it from th…No! What are you…… Continue reading Waiting while a toddler re-does stuff is like watching someone type with one finger
I just asked Thesaurus for a word to describe the sound my daughter makes when she’s tantruming hard. Turns out they haven’t invented one. Screech is too mechanical, wail is too doleful and shriek is far too short-lived. This is the most blood-curdling scream I’ve ever heard. Shrill, grating and completely unrelenting. You would think she was having her toenails pulled out one…… Continue reading She makes me look like a murderer
Shit shit shit! Maya has just sworn at me for the first time. She’s only just turned two. She wasn’t angry and she didn’t know she was being coarse. She just volleyed a bit of my own foul language back at me. I feel a bit sick. I know it happens but shit shit SHIT!…… Continue reading Potty-mouth panic
Burned-out parents like nothing more than to spend 40 minutes cleaning up after an ill-advised food choice. Here are five foods guaranteed to do the job: 1. Weetabix (…and Bixies and other own-brand products) These crunchy, bone-dry lozenges are so thirsty they soak up a litre of milk per square cm. No danger of them…… Continue reading Five messy foods to send you over the edge
How weird is cow’s milk? Probably not that odd in situ, as it’s sucked from a warm udder by a hungry calf. But what the hell is my human baby doing drinking it? I’ve always found the concept of humans greedily glugging down a glass of udder juice pretty bizarre (I even went through a…… Continue reading How weird is milk?
What is it with the world these days? It does not know when to zip it. Ever since my daughter came along, it’s been blasting out the most grating, jarring, ear-splitting noises in its long and noisy history. It’s determined to sabotage her nap times so I’m exposing it for the selfish lowlife it is.…… Continue reading Five annoying noises guaranteed to wake your baby
I’ve got bogies. Lots of bogies. They come in all shapes and textures and they’ve been plaguing my nostrils ever since I got pregnant. Maya’s seven months old now and I still can’t get rid of the beggars. I pick them every day. Come on, it’s hard not to. Once I’ve noticed one, I’ll do…… Continue reading Bogies bogies
I meant to start this blog way before Maya popped out. Hmmm. Bit slow there. She’s already pretending to talk and pulling my hair and reading books with her granny (above). And I already feel broody when I see tiny babies. Uh-oh… Anyway, here it is. My first post. Fingers crossed, they’ll get infinitely more…… Continue reading And lo, a new blog is born